Exhausted

So, I started my new job last Wednesday.  I am in the process of becoming a Case Manager for Child Protective Services.  I spent 3 days shadowing last week and started my official training yesterday... in Sarasota.  The route I take is almost 70 miles, one way, and takes me close to an hour and 45 minutes, one way.  Needless to say, I am exhausted.  For whatever reason, spending close to 3 1/2 -4 hours in the car each day wears me out.  I know it's not physically or mentally exhausting, but still.  Tonight was the worst.  I left training at 4:21pm and pulled into our condo parking lot at 6:26pm.  For those of you who are mathematically challenged (like me), that is 2 hours and 5 minutes.  The worst part was that it began to storm just before I drove onto the Skyway Bridge.  I already don't like that bridge; it freaks me out.  Being on it during a torrential downpour was nerve-racking.  Just when I thought it couldn't get worse, it did.  Once I got off the bridge, it began to rain so hard that I could barely see the car in front of me.  I turned on my hazard lights and drove super slow and finally made it through the worst of it.  By the time I got off 275, it was still raining, but it wasn't nearly as horrible as it had been.  My knuckles were white, my neck and face muscles were tight, and I'm pretty sure my blood pressure was up (although it's never happened before so I don't really know if it was or not).

Anyway, back to the job... So far, training is going well.  There are only 10 students in our class, which makes it nice and cozy.  Our trainer is great and keeps us engaged in whatever she's teaching.  She's been in this field for about 22 years, so she has so much information to offer and so many stories to share.  After only 2 days, I'm a little overwhelmed, but I'm still super excited about what I'm about to do.  There's so much to learn, and I think the legal information is going to be the most difficult part of all.  Even still, I'm very excited.  I'm having to get used to going to bed by 10pm so I can make myself get up at 6am in order to get to Sarasota on time, but I just keep reminding myself that it's only for 6 weeks.  John has been out of town since Sunday morning, and I can't wait for him to get back tomorrow night.  He's been in Louisville, KY, where it's cold and gloomy, for a training with his boss and co-worker.  I can't wait to hear his key unlock the door tomorrow night - if I'm even still awake.

Different topics have popped into my head over the last week, and my intention was to write about each of them.  My goal was to write every night, but we stayed busy over the weekend, and I've just been so tired that it hasn't happened.  That's the case tonight as well.  While I'd like to write more, I am struggling to keep my eyes open.  That said, I can't even remember everything I've intended to write about and will go to bed rather than trying to recall it all.  Boring, I know.

Good night.

ANGRY

I’m not angry at God.  Really, I’m not.  I am angry, though.  I have never once blamed God for allowing a drunk driver to hit my dad in 1988, which was the initial reason he passed away 2 weeks later.  I have also never once blamed God for allowing my step-dad to pass away the night I graduated college in 2004.  God gives and takes away, and I am comfortable with that.  I believe that He allows everything to happen for a reason, and I believe that anything and everything can be turned into something good.  However, I am angry that my mom has lost 2 husbands.  Let me preface this by saying that my mom is not a miserable woman.  She is retired but enjoys her Mon-Fri job as a teacher’s aide at a private kindergarten.  My grandmother, sister, and my 2 uncles live w/i a 5-10 mile radius of my mom.  Her closest friends are women she has known since middle school, and they are faithful and loyal and make her laugh and let her cry and couldn’t be any better friends to her.  She has a roof over her head, a slew of animals that roam about her house, a church she loves, food to eat, a safe and reliable mode of transportation, 4 grandchildren that truly adore her, 2 daughters that are oh so grateful for her, and so very very much more.  However, my mother is sad.  She will always be sad.  Even surrounded by family and friends, my mother is lonely.  She sits at home each night, wondering what life would be like with my dad or my step-dad still alive.  She longs for their presence.  She longs to enjoy life with them.  She longs to visit me and John in Florida with them.  She longs to enjoy her grandchildren with them.  She longs, and she always will.  She will tell you herself that she knows she has an abundance to be thankful for, but that doesn’t take away the fact that 2 parts of her are missing… 2 really big parts.

John and I got married June 20, 2010, hence the name of my blog, thesims620.  3 weeks later, he spent a weekend in Gainesville for his MBA.  I had become accustomed to him spending one weekend each month there prior to our wedding, and I always looked forward to his return.  However, his first trip to Gainesville after we were married was completely different.  I didn’t just look forward to his return- I honestly thought I couldn’t wait another minute.  I was excited to see the man who had recently become my husband, but I also couldn’t wait to know that he was home safely.  It started me thinking about what my mom’s daily life must be like.  She’s ok when she has something to get up for in the morning.  She works till about 12:30-1, and then she usually naps and runs errands in the afternoon.  Evenings, however are extremely difficult for her, but I don’t think I realized the extent of it (nor will I ever be able to realize it) till I got married.  Most women are expecting their husbands to walk through the door sometime in the evening, but she doesn’t know what that’s like anymore, and that makes me angry.  It makes me sad, but it makes me angry too.  When John went to Gainesville for the weekend in July, I could not entertain the thought of him not walking back through our door, the door to our home, through the door to his wife who was anxiously awaiting his arrival.  To simply imagine that sucks some of the life out of me, and that’s just imagining.

I informed Mama yesterday that John and I might be planning a trip to Europe this summer with some friends.  I almost dreaded telling her because she’ll never get to plan trips with her husband.  While many women her age are enjoying their grandchildren and post-retirement trips with their husbands, she is not.  That makes me so angry and so sad for her that I can’t stand it.  While I can’t do anything about it, and while yelling wouldn’t change a thing, sometimes I just want to scream at the top of my lungs.  I don’t want to scream words, for there is no one for me to direct them toward.  I don’t even want to scream at the drunk driver that hit my dad.  Whether what he did was right or wrong (although we all know it was definitely wrong,) God allowed it, so why yell at either of them?  Not to mention, I have a great life to live, and I don’t have to spend the rest of my life knowing I killed someone, took away someone’s husband, daddy, son, brother, son-in-law, brother-in-law, uncle, friend, co-worker, boss, band member.  I can’t imagine living that life, and so the thought of yelling at him only makes me sadder for him.  Anyway, I know Mama is excited for us and our potential European vacation.  Heck, I know she’s excited for us if we drive the hour and a half to Orlando for a weekend.  Regardless, I know that part of her must be wishing she had a husband to do that kind of stuff with.  In writing this, I honestly don’t know if I’m more angry or more sad or maybe just an equal combination of the 2. 

Of course it’s unreasonable to expect every weekend to be as great as last weekend, but nonetheless, I was hoping for something a little more exciting this weekend.  There was really just something kind of “blah” about it.  In hindsight, it’s probably really good for me to have weekends like the one we just had because one of my goals is to learn to relax and just go with the flow and not feel compelled to always be up and doing something productive.  I have told John I will try harder at this, and I meant it when I said it.  Anyway, we took a little drive to Trinity Friday evening to look at an adorable house we saw online.  At first (about a month or so ago), we really liked the Trinity area.  However, our friends, Nate and Emily, told us they wouldn’t hang out with us if we moved “all the way to Trinity” (20-30 minutes), which made us think twice about actually moving there.  I’m certain they would hang out with us if we lived there, but we at least took into consideration that it would require more driving than we’re used to.  It wasn’t like we were super serious; we were just having fun looking.  Then we found the adorable home in Palm Harbor that ended up being outside of our price range.  I mentioned to John, again, a few days ago, that I really like the Trinity area.  It’s nice, clean, safe, has great schools, and is less expensive (granted, it’s a little further out) than the area where we currently live.  Just for the fun of it, we started looking again in the Trinity area (www.zillow.com is our new favorite website,) and John found the adorable white home with an (almost) wrap-around porch that we went to see Friday night.  It was really no big surprise to us that there was a “Sale Pending” sign, as this has been the case with 2 or 3 of the homes, in various areas, that we’ve liked.  We drove around a little while longer and saw another super cute house, very much the same style as the “Sale Pending” home,” but we were surprised to find out it’s only 2 bedrooms.  We’re looking for at least 3. 

We had planned to use one of our many gift cards that we got for our wedding and/or for Christmas, but we decided that Chick-Fil-A sounded delicious and went there instead.  I joked with John that we drove all the way to Trinity to eat at Chick-Fil-A.  We didn’t do much when we got home.  We played on the internet, watched some tv, and went to bed.  I was really excited about sleeping in Saturday morning, but I woke up with bad stomach cramps at 7:45am and never went back to sleep.  We lounged for quite some time, and I finally convinced John to go eat at First Watch, my favorite breakfast place ever.  I don’t even have to look at the menu: veggie skillet, eggs overhard, substitute the muffin of the day, cut in half and grilled, for the English muffin, and a Diet Coke.  It is truly the perfect meal.  John likes First Watch, but he doesn’t get nearly as excited about it as I do.  However, they had biscuits and gravy Saturday morning, which they normally don’t have; it’s apparently a special that they run every now and then.  Needless to say, he was a happy camper.  By the time we were finished with lunch, I was exhausted (partially from waking up early and partially because I ate every bite of food on my plate.)  I really could’ve slept for the rest of the day, but we decided it was too nice outside to be inside, so we met up with Pic & Erika and went to the, get ready for it… FLEA MARKET!  If you’ve never been, you should definitely go.  It is beyond entertaining.  There are some very interesting people, and they sell some very interesting crap.  I mean junk.  I mean items.  I felt like a zombie walking around there and couldn’t wait to get home for a nap. 

John and Pic had a “date night” at Cricketeers while Erika, Amanda, and I ate Greek food, Oreos, and watched The Princess and the Frog, which was super cute.  During the movie, I got a text from Pic saying that John’s phone was out of commission because it fell in the toilet.  At first, I didn’t believe him.  I actually had to ask him 3 times before I finally believed him.  What happened was… They were at Cricketeers, and John had to go to the bathroom.  No big surprise.  The bathroom lights were the motion-sensor lights, and they turned off while John was, well, on the pot.  He texted Pic to please come in there and open the door so the lights would come back on, and then he set his phone down on the toilet paper holder.  Once the lights were back on and John was finished in the bathroom, he accidentally knocked the phone into the toilet.  Mind you, this is the 2^nd phone my husband has drowned in a toilet.  Anyway, when I got home, the boys were watching a stand-up comedian.  Pic left, and I played Just Dance by myself because John still can’t bring himself to join in the fun.  I think I danced to at least 9 songs and definitely worked up a sweat.

John wasn’t feeling well Sunday morning, so he didn’t go to church.  By the time I decided whether I was going or not, it was too late to go to Gulfcoast, so I went to Building 28.  I was having a terrible morning, so I left after the music and went home.  I spent the rest of the day grocery shopping, picking up my birth control, getting an oil change, doing laundry, cleaning, and then making enchiladas to have for the rest of the week, chicken chili for John to have for lunch for the week, and homemade chicken salad for my lunch for the rest of the week.  John and I played a little Super Mario on the Wii last night, and I danced a few songs on Just Dance.  There you have it, our weekend.

This week is going to be a little busy.  Tomorrow is my last day at Munce, and it’s very bittersweet.  I work with some pretty amazing people.  I am, however, very excited about starting my new job on Wednesday.  I’ll be a case manager for Child Protective Services, and it’s going to be the most challenging job I’ve ever had.  I really can’t wait, though!  We’re going to dinner with John’s parents Thursday night at Maggiano’s, one of my all-time favorites.  John leaves for Louisville, KY on Sunday for a training, and I start my 6-week training in Sarasota on Monday.  Not to mention, we might get together with Malena Wednesday night, and I need to have about 4 catch-up phone dates with some of my girl friends that don’t live here.  Like I said, it’s going to be a busy week.   

Projects

There are so many projects I need and want to do.  Among those I need to do are:

·         Get rid of junk.

·         Get rid of more junk.

·         Vacuum.

·         Sweep.

·         Mop.

·         Wash our bedspread.  That’s going to require going to a laundromat because our washer and dryer aren’t big enough.

·         Organize underneath the bathroom sinks.

·         Have wedding dress professionally cleaned, and decide whether to sell or keep it.

·         Finish editing our professional wedding pictures, and make albums for us and for our moms.  This, I am dreading.  Why?  We are so unhappy with our wedding pictures.  Some of the pictures are crooked.  The colors and lighting are inconsistent.  We would’ve like more with certain people and in certain locations, etc.  I’m thankful for our MAC because we’re able to do quite a bit of editing that we wouldn’t be able to do otherwise, but I didn’t expect to have to put this much time into them.  Because the quality of the pictures aren’t as good as we expected, I’m really not even excited about putting and seeing them in an album.  Ugh!

·         Get oil changed.

I’ve decided I’m going to make a dvd at the end of each year, full of pictures and music that recap that given year.  The project I actually want to do (as opposed to need to do) is to make said dvd.  I am so excited, but I can’t let myself do it till the other tasks are out of the way.  Today, I added another project that I’m actually getting kind of excited about.  I’m finding that I’m having to throw away food that has expired, and so much of it is food I didn’t know I had.  My goal for the weekend (which probably means sometime within the next month or so) is to take inventory in our cabinets, fridge, and freezer and make a written list.  I’m even going to alphabetize and put expiration dates.  As weird as this sounds, I’m excited! 

It’s the little things in life.

Priceless

Wishing John and I were in Spartanburg, snowed in with Mama, I write this from sunny (well, overcast) FL.  Spartanburg is covered in 7+ inches of snow and ice right now, with a possibility of more to come.  Yesterday, George picked Mama up in his truck (even though they live across the street from each other) and ran a few errands in the snow.  George called Memommie and talked to her for quite some time, up until the point where he and Mama pulled into Memommie’s driveway and rang her doorbell.  She told George that someone was at her door, not knowing it was them.  She tried to look out the window but couldn’t see a car because he had pulled so far into her driveway.  Then she looked out the window to see if she could see anyone at the door, but they were standing in a spot, trying to hide from her view.  She opened the door and was shocked to see 2 of her children standing there.  When I talked to her Sunday night, she DID NOT want it to snow.  She was scheduled to go to the oldies’ luncheon at church today, the Shepherd’s Center tomorrow, and to get her hair “coiffed” on Friday.  She did not want anything ruining her weekly plans.  Anyway, when I talked to her last night, I already knew what Mama and George had done, but I let her tell me the entire story as if I was hearing it for the first time.  Because of the snow, she knew she wouldn’t be seeing any of her family yesterday, so she was so excited and pleasantly surprised to see them.

This reminds of Christmas 2007, which was actually a pretty terrible time.  I went home to be with my family, and John was scheduled to fly in for a few days.  We broke up, however, the night I drove in.  Needless to say, he didn’t come for a visit, and I spent most of my time there in a very very terrible horrible bad mood.  However, I do remember Christmas Eve, and it was the most I laughed during that trip to SC.  We went to my aunt Marlene’s house that evening, and then Courtney, Tony, Anna, Caroline, Camille, Vivian, and I all loaded up in the Quillen mini-van to go to Hollywild.  The line was so ridiculously long that we broke out of it about 45 minutes into it.  People were honking their horns and getting angry, thinking we were breaking in line, when we were actually just trying to leave.  Not ready to go home, we decided to go Christmas caroling at Memommie’s house, something we’ve never done before.  We knew she would be super surprised and get a huge kick out of it.  Sure enough, the look on her face when we opened the door and started singing was priceless, absolutely priceless.  That woman is priceless.  Our family is priceless.  I am beyond grateful.

Super Fun Weekend

This time last year, it seemed like we already had every single weekend of the year planned.  I know that’s not really the case, but it sure did feel like that.  Last year was non-stop for us, and while it was such a fantastic year, I am excited to say that we have no set weekend plans for as far as my eye can see.  I take that back.  We have friends getting married in July and friends getting married in September, but we’re really looking forward to those celebrations.  John is leaving for Louisville on the 23^rd of this month, we’re planning to spend a weekend (still yet to be determined) in Sarasota next month, but this year hasn’t started off like last year.  This past weekend couldn’t have been more perfect.  We spent Friday evening and on into Saturday morning (1:45am) at the Wolletts’ house, listening to Justin, Aubrey, Brian, Justin’s dad, and some others jam on their guitars and sing.  Justin’s mom prepared a delicious spread, and it was just a fun night all around.  There were probably 25-30 people, but it tapered off to about 9 of us around midnight.  We sat around listening to Justin, Brian, Rick, and Justin’s dad play their guitars, and Aubrey sang a little as well.  It was such a fun and relaxing night.  John and I didn’t get to bed till about 2:45am and, for whatever reason, still didn’t sleep past 10am Saturday morning.  We lounged for a couple of hours, which was wonderful, and then we drove around to look at houses in Safety Harbor.  Looking at houses has become one of our favorite things to do.  There’s a neighborhood in Palm Harbor that we both really like.  It has lots of pretty trees and feels more like South Carolina living than Florida living.  It’s kind of like having the best of both worlds (except that we’re still 9 hours from my family.)  We’re not really making any moves at this point, but it’s fun to look and get ideas.  We stopped at Pollo Tropical for a “snack” around 3pm since we hadn’t had lunch.  We didn’t want to eat too much, though, since we were meeting the Hancocks for dinner at Tijuana Flats at 6pm.  We went grocery shopping, home to change clothes, and then headed to dinner.  We had a great time with Joe and Christine, and Tyler and Lauren were both so well-behaved.  Lauren got a little sleepy, as she had missed her nap, but she was still super sweet and pleasant the majority of the time.  Tyler sat in his high chair for an hour and 45 minutes and couldn’t have been any better.  He had such a good time eating and playing with John and Joe at their end of the table.  An older couple must have been as impressed as John and I were because they complimented Joe and Christine on Tyler’s behavior as they were leaving.

We had planned to go see The King’s Speech after dinner, but we got to the theater just a few minutes too late and were worried we’d miss the beginning.  Instead, we saw Gulliver’s Travels in 3D.  It was so stupid, but I had such a great time being on a “date” with John and laughing about how stupid it was that it really didn’t matter to me.  We went to church yesterday morning and then back to Pollo Tropical for lunch.  It’s safe to say that we like that place.  Since we were so close to the movie theater, we decided to go see The King’s Speech, which turned out to be a phenomenal movie.  I’m already a big Colin Firth fan, but this just increased my liking for him.  He put on an unbelievable performance, as did the other members of the cast.  After lunch, we had about an hour before the movie began, so we drove by our favorite house again as well as a few others.  Like I said, we really enjoy doing that.  Planning to spend an evening at home, we got to work on a ginormous crock pot full of chicken chili.  Not long after we got home, Danielle texted to say that they boys were going to watch football while the girls played Just Dance – did we want to join them?  We got to their house around 7:15pm and stayed for about 3 hours.  Just Dance is really becoming a favorite amongst the girls (and even some of the guys – although they didn’t participate last night.) 

I’m looking forward to many more weekends where we can come and go as we please, make plans at the last minute, sleep in, eat good food, and spend time with each other and with friends.  Life is good!

Freewriting

Did any of your English teachers ever make you freewrite?  There might be a new name for it these days, as there seems to be a new name and a new rule for pretty much everything I learned in school.  What I remember freewriting to be was writing anything and everything that comes to mind.  Teachers would give a time limit, but I'm not going to get out a stopwatch on myself.  Here I go:

I wish I had a big Diet Dr. Pepper.  I wish my sister would send me the chicken chili recipe.  I'm glad it's Friday.  I'm so thankful for my space heater.  John and I have great friends.  I wish we could see our out-of-town friends more often.  Where would I be if I had never moved to FL?  What will my new job really be like?  I'm dreading my doctor's appointment next week.  The birds were really loud this morning.  The sprinklers that came on behind our condo were even louder.  I want to see The King's Speech.  I wish I had some of the dark chocolate with sea salt that Danielle was eating yesterday.  I love my husband.  He makes me laugh.  Getting ready with him in the mornings is one of my favorite things to do with him.  Mama is coming in March.  I want her to watch us play Just Dance on the Wii.  There's no way I'll get her to try it.  Where will we take her to dinner?  My mother-in-law is wonderful.  I miss my sister.  I miss my family.  I love good music.  We're having dinner with our pastor, his wife, and their kids tomorrow night.  I'd do our entire wedding day all over again, exactly the same, if I could.  I really like the black pen on my desk.  My neck and arms are sore from Just Dance last night.  I don't want Mary and Evan to go back to Ft. Myers tomorrow.  I love watching them do the robot dance.  So many good things have happened in my life over the past few years.  I made a huge mistake Sunday night.  I'm thankful for God's grace.  I'm thankful to be alive.  I'm thankful for my health.  I'm thankful that I can feed myself, bathe myself, dress myself, and get myself to the bathroom... in a timely fashion.  I'm excited about listening to my new iTunes songs.  John will get tired of them.  Amy had her fair share of listening to my songs on repeat when we lived together.  I don't how how she could stand it.  College days were really good, and half the time I didn't even realize it.  I miss my best girl friends that I rarely ever get to see.  Lauren Hooker Corum is going to have a baby.  Wow!  We've been friends for 21 years!  We'll always be friends.  She's an amazing girl.  I miss my step-dad.  I wish I remembered my biological dad.  No fair.  I used to want 7 kids, but then I wanted 7 chimpanzees instead.  Now, I can't wait to have my own kids.  I can't imagine how surreal it will be the first time I get pregnant.  Everybody keeps asking when we're going to have kids.  We're really looking forward to enjoying each other and traveling and doing before we have kids.  I still can't wait to have them.  John is going to be such a precious dad.  I wonder how we'll ever agree on baby names.  I wonder what Lauren will name her baby.  My grandfather will be 101 in March.  That's a lot of life.  I love to cook.  I wish I could cook every single day.  I'm looking forward to spending a weekend in Sarasota with John while I'm training for my new job.  John is going to Louisville for training in January, and I'm not excited.  I'm being selfish.  I'm good at being selfish.  I'm learning, though.  Marriage teaches you that.  Did I mention that I wish Courtney would send me the recipe?  I'm going to try to make Greek potato salad next week.  Yummy!  I need a massage.  Justin and Kristin are getting married.  So are Evan and Mary.  I went to 9 weddings in 2010.  I was in 3 weddings in 2010, including my own.  So was John.  2010 was the busiest year of our lives.  2010 was the best year of my life.  I'm so glad John is out of school.  I wish I could live in the same place as all my favorite people.  I wonder what John and I will be like when we're old and gray.  Eek!  Will I be hunched over?  I hope not.  I like to freewrite.  It's therapeutic.  I don't know why.  I want to play a game.  Scrabble.  No. Yahtzee.  Yes.  Just Dance.  Yes.  Mafia.  Depends on who's playing.  I wonder how John's day is going. 

I actually think I could do that all day. 

nothing excitin'

With it being the start of a new year,  I wish I had something more interesting to write about, but I don’t.  While we’ve done some fun stuff so far, I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s exciting to anyone else.  Friday night (New Year’s Eve) was a lot of fun.  We had originally planned to eat at Kobe’s with about 11 other people, but we didn’t like the idea of being separated into 2 different tables, so we went to BD’s Mongolian Grill instead.  It worked out perfectly and seated [what turned out to be] all 15 of us.  We hung out at Rick’s after and had a blast playing Just Dance.  It took me quite awhile to muster up the courage to “perform” in front of our friends, but I am so glad I finally did.  We also enjoyed a little Rock Band, and it has been at least 1 ½ to 2 years since I’ve last played that.  Sadly enough, there wasn’t anything terribly magnificent about the ball dropping, and the champagne we had tasted terrible.  It was a fun night, nonetheless.  We didn’t sleep in nearly late enough on Saturday morning, and I’m not really even sure why.  We spent that day doing pretty much nothing.  I went for a walk, John watched the Gators on tv, and it was very low key beyond that.  We went to Mama S’ (my mother-in-law) around 3:30 to celebrate Christmas and New Year’s with John’s parents, sister, nieces, nephew-in-law, and great-nephew.  It was great spending time with them, as always.  John’s (I guess I can say “our”) great-nephew, Aiden, is absolutely adorable.  He’s 15 months old, starting to walk, and makes the cutest faces.  I’ll be sure to post some pictures, although I couldn’t catch him making his “why are you looking at me?  I know I’m cute.   Who the heck are you?” face.  We don’t get to see them often, but that will hopefully change when Sam(antha) and Aiden move back from NC in January, followed by Kyle in March. 

I guess our biggest news is that we got Netflix.  See, I told you I don’t have anything terribly exciting to write about.  John is really excited about watching My Cousin, Vinny, and I’m pretty excited about ordering the first seasons of Felicity and Dawson’s Creek.  I know, I know…

There you have it, the first 4 days of 2011 in a nutshell.